We probably all remember the day when we held the keys to our first car. It’s difficult to know if it’s time for you or a loved one to stop driving, and it’s even tougher to have that conversation with them. After all, they’ve been driving themselves around for decades, and losing that sense of freedom can be scary.

The AARP has some guidelines to decide if your parent should be moved from the driver’s seat to the passenger seat:

• Delayed response to unexpected situations
• Becoming easily distracted while driving
• Decrease in confidence while driving
• Having difficulty moving into or maintaining the correct lane of traffic
• Hitting curbs when making right turns or backing up
• Getting scrapes or dents on car, garage or mailbox
• Having frequent close calls
• Driving too fast or too slow for road conditions
• Getting lost in familiar neighborhoods

If you see any of these patterns of behavior, it’s time to have “the talk.” Not only are they losing a big freedom, but they’re also coping with a huge transition in their lives. Losing their sense of independence is one of the things older people fear, so it’s important to focus on the positive aspects this change will bring. Less danger to themselves and others on the road is obviously important to stress. It’s also important that they don’t feel attacked in any way, so try to make it less about what they might be losing, and more about how it can be a good change for them.

It may be beneficial to bring your parent’s doctor into the conversation, as people tend to listen to their healthcare professionals much more than their own family. Alternative means of transportation should be discussed (city bus, senior transport vans), which should help smooth over worries of loss of independence. You may also want to consider hiring a part-time aide, or simply a friend’s teenager, to help your parent run necessary errands.

Taking away the keys doesn’t have to mean taking away their independence. Keep the tone light and encouraging, and your parent will hopefully ease into the transition with very few bumps in the road.